I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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