White coat. Heels.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
