and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
