3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
