I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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