We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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