I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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