she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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