Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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