6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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