the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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