So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
