I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
