He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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