I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
