when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize