he shaved USA in his pubs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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