actually, I'm a sock model
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
