when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
