"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
