I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
