I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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