we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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