Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
