I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
