It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh god it's open bar.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
