i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
