I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
