and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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