im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
