I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
