Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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