New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
