I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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