I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
