SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
