She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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