can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
