He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
