you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
