we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
