Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
