I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize