I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize