You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
