i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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