i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
