Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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