Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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