You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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