So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My cat gives me a boner
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
