I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
