It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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