remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
