He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
