If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
