He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
