hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
