the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
