I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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