he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
