Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
