You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
