So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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