It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
