I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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