Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
