i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
