Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Even my vagina gasped.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
