I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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