You made me cry and you don't even care
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
