Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
