I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
