well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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