peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
